When you made a mistake, trust me, it’s fairly OK. Everyone made a mistake. Just promise that you’ll never do it again. And the most important thing, now you have to run faster to catch up. Gonna be hard. But it’s possible.
Why did you bury yourself in the sadness, while there are hopes in this life? Only to Allah you will back. He is the one who know you. He is the only one. He knows what your heart meant. You are lucky, even very lucky to be in this religion, maximize it. Insyaallah, Allah will always by your side.